think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize