I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
