my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize