the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
