M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My feet surprised me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
