I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
