He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
