I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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