i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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