Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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