Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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