lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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