she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
