I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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