if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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