I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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