he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We are two peas in an std pod
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
