You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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