i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
