I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize