Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
