Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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