This dress was meant to end up on your floor
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
