Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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