And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize