It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
