great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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