i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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