remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
