The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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