The maid of honor just puked.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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