Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
farters have to be the big spoon...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
