I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
