My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
