i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
