some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
