I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
