My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
