just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
