i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We left the knife in your bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
