It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
