i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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