I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
