Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
