So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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