So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
