So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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