some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
