I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
