Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
