she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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