Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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