Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
