Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
