the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize