Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
