You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
