My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
