If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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