when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize