420 ftw
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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