There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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