i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize