somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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