i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
