Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
