So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
