Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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