I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
