Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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