I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
