Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
