I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
