Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
