he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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