he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize