You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
