i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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