My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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