I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
