my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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