omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
