$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
