The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
