I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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