96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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