I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
