Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
