I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize