God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
