I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
